Shift to a Different Life!!

 I know this post is a little too late to mark my beginning at college, since it has been already two months there.  My life had a complete twist lately which I never thought would ever happen. My final board marks weren't excellent due to random reasons which I would like to forget. I did pretty ok (better than school exam) in the entrance exams. I was allotted in Mohandas College of Engineering and Technology, which is a good private college, but I wasn't very happy about it. But I got to accept the fate which I bought myself. I went there for a week. We had orientation classes throughout the week and aptitude tests on each subject daily. Within a week, i made a lot of friends there. The college is in Nedumangad, which is almost one and a half hour travel via my college bus. Days were tiresome , still I enjoyed the orientation stuff. But I always had regrets in my mind because this was never my destination and I was in the wrong place, and the worst feeling was the thought that everything could have been much better if I din't commit any of the mistakes I did last year.

So the last day of the week, mother came to pick me up from the bus stop. She told please dont get excited and told me that there has been a call for further allotment of candidates in Sree Chitra Thirunal College of Engineering. I was totally surprised. I just wanted it so much. I wanted an escape from here. Hopefully I got there in my preferred branch 'Computer Science and Engineering'. Those days, I was the happiest person in the world because whatever happened was totally out of luck. Finally everything felt right. Very happy about it. It was like someone had forgiven me for the stupid things I did in 12th.

So first day in college.. I went with my mother. It was inauguration day for freshers. Next day, regular classes started. Straight to studies. In between our class got completely shuffled due to further allotments, some new faces, some friends gone.. Finally R12 , our batch of 63, we got the finalised roll records. I just love our class. Everyone are so welcoming. There's a positive air about everything and everyone.

Within two weeks of our entry, one week went off with a strike by college Sfi unit. It was against an illegal appointment of a lab superintendent. Anyways those days were cool! One complete week , and no classes! SCT = Freedom. Thats the correct word. We can just do our own thing. I am lucky to be here.
Then, one other news was that I contested as class representative for Sfi and lost by 2 votes :( yaa.. but we won the College Union, so atleast happy about it. But it was an experience contesting, meaning I got a lot of friends, came to know many seniors and I got a feeling I'm part of something, involved even now, a voice.. So I am leaving now making a desicion to weekly scribble something here, heart-broken by my dull looking blog with my 'once-in-a-year' posts!!

Repercussions..

                                             

It’s the vacation after 12th, my engineering entrance exams are over. These days all I want to do is to get engaged into something and forget myself into it. I just want to be involved all the time. Actually, it’s a kind of an escapism from a lot of things going through my mind otherwise. My recent obsession is movies. I now watch at least two movies a day, mostly random ones. Then, reading random books. Recently finished a book, ‘Baumgartner’s Bombay’- Anita Desai,  a good one actually.

What’s engulfing me all the time is the uncertainty I have about where I am going to be perhaps after 3 months, I don’t know what I will be studying, doing, thinking, whether I will be happy or will anyone or anything would make me so.  And reading this, please don’t think I’m in any doomed situation, dull with no hope etc.. It’s just some kind of anxiety and hate about a lot of things. A lot of things pop up in my mind without my permission. I get angry, irritated all the time thinking about the conservative life everyone is bound to. If people try to think out of the box, then they just can’t belong to mainstream. And of course, that is the most difficult thing – ‘belonging’.

Looking back, there are a lot of things that happened to me in these 18 years. My school, St.mary’s, is of course a major part. Right now, I can’t pass the usual dialogues like, “Yeah, it made me who I am” and stuff like that. The reality is that it hasn’t made me, but helped me to retain myself, not only me but also I think it’s the same for everyone else too. I just miss the whole atmosphere. There’s something about it which I can never forget, the kind of acceptance I had which later I think I almost broke, sadly. Just one week ago, I felt like never going back to it again, but right now I do wanna go back, which of course is technically impossible. I want to go back there, see all my friends again, walk with them, up and down the small corridors we had. Things were a lot strict but after all, everything turns out to be quite wonderful.

I have some kind of feeling like I haven’t been a perfect student last year, which I always longed to be in eyes of my teachers and the principal. That was one of my personal satisfactions but last year, I broke it, not quite intentionally though. I feel like I couldn’t get the time and opportunity and most importantly, the mental state to contribute much as a head girl. First few months were good but later, willingly or not, priorities were shifted. I just want to go there and say a really nice goodbye to everyone. I just love everyone. Things could have been a lot better. I could have made it better.

What I am trying to do now is to live in the present. Either I will be dwelling about the past or building hopes, worrying, dreaming, or planning, and again planning, and the planning never ends. But in the end, plans are pretty good for me too, it’s a kind of a trigger in my case, because I am too lazy to work certain things out at times.

After a Pretty Long Time..

 Its been an year since i posted here.. I had no time to think about it.. Last time it was 'first year in higher secondary' and now its 'first year over!!'.. It all went so fast than i could imagine. I still feel like I wrote the 10th exam just a few days ago!. One year went like the blink of an eye. I know I was writing here before about the challenges and dreams and ... such and such.. and its still on with full swing. Last year was good for me. It was... satisfying.

I just went through all my old articles that I have posted here since my 8th standard , small things were so exciting for me.. all those small trips, vacation, school life..so and so..,  and i am really surprised by the way i changed all through. I really enjoy reading them now because i like that feel of my innocence then which i understood only now, the famous Innocence of Childhood!.. I have read and heard that when we grow up normally our perceptions about everything change, our approaches, our visions, the perspective by which we see things..everything has a big change. I have really understood it and experienced it now. But I know it isn't over yet.. more change is on its way, but i am happy that most of them turns out to be positive.. 'Learning from Experiences'.. and I am totally in love with the word CHANGE.

Now its vacation LITERALLY, but really busy days. Lot to do. Preperation for next year and completing pending things.. and related stuff.. Its gonna be tough days coming ahead.. So i'm not gonna be here for a couple of months from now. In between I read some books. I had made a review here before about  The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. It was so inspiring and I was tempted to read more of his books. I read his Veronika Decides to Die and the Aleph. Very deep books.. not everyone would find it very interesting.. i'm sure about that.! Little swept away by them.  But I think next time I am gonna pick a different book of totally different style... and that definitely is gonna happen only after one year. !

The Other Side..

What does Gaddafi's death mean for Africa?

shared from BBC

First Year in Higher Secondary

Its been like 6 months since I last wrote here... I was too busy with school (and that doesn't mean I'm not busy now!). Its been really tough this year to keep up with studies but I believe I'm doing good so far. Seriously speaking, this seems to be my best year in school. Everything is going just great.

 I was a little off mood in the first month...not only me, all my friends too was in same condition. We couldn't just accept the fact that we cant be in 10th anymore... We've been together in same class for like 10 years, and most of 'em split up now to different schools for different reasons.. We were really missing the old class, the old atmosphere and many other elements which we wont get back.. Then slowly, everyone became good friends and now we are ok with it..

 I'm in the Computer-Maths ( no biology!) Group as I've mentioned earlier.We've been brain-washed in 10th by our senior batches that higher secondary is like HeLL coming to earth. Anyways for me, it has been more comfortable than last year. Maybe, its because I'm working more now. Health conditions weren't goin balanced earlier , but now I learned to manage it. I'm much more systematic and everything is going planned now.. not because I wanted it like that but because there is no other way. The syllabus is like a vast ocean, I've to survive.. I don't want to compromise on my dreams.

 Right now, we're busy with Youth Festival.. The last time I wrote about it here was during when I was in 9th.. Anyways, it hasn't been much exciting this year like before. But, anyways its our last chance to be in a school Youth Festival.. So, I don't want to miss it..

By the way, one of my blog posts was published in The Hindu :).. Thanks Hindu for considering it.